


all of my bad ideas were always my best

by blastellanos



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Infidelity, M/M, barely any plot tbh, non famous family members as characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 11:35:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11827914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blastellanos/pseuds/blastellanos
Summary: It’s José’s name and picture that pops up-- a small round circle of his smiling face and ‘Iggy’ at the top of the screen. Unlike other teammates, there’s no other conversation-- this, the first time they’ve ever spoken this way. James squints at the screen.





	all of my bad ideas were always my best

**Author's Note:**

  * For [saddestboner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saddestboner/gifts).



> Not intended as slander.

James is stretched out on a lounge chair, poolside, shaded by an umbrella and watching over the frames of his sunglasses while Jessica splashes around in the crystal clear pool water. She’s laughing with some friend she’d made on the trip and they’re playing like teenagers in the mostly empty pool. James had swam laps in the early morning until other people started to file in and was now comfortable with a drink and some light reading and listening to the musical sound of Jessica’s laughter and baking in the pleasant mid-morning sun. 

He’s comfortable enough, he thinks he might put his book aside and maybe take a nap, knowing Jess would wake him up if she needed anything or wanted to go anywhere. It was hot and he idly thinks about maybe going back into the air conditioned hotel room. But nah, it was nicer out here by the side of the pool. 

He stretches out a little further, knocks the chair back to a more prone position and fixes his sunglasses-- when his phone chirps from the glass table next to him. He sees the screen flicker to life briefly with the alert before dimming again. 

It can’t be important-- but he only manages to ignore it for a few seconds before he grabs the phone. (After all, what if it was an emergency from his mom or something.) 

He unlocks the screen to read it. 

_ El Capitán! How is the offseason?  _

It’s José’s name and picture that pops up-- a small round circle of his smiling face and ‘Iggy’ at the top of the screen. Unlike other teammates, there’s no other conversation-- this, the first time they’ve ever spoken this way. James squints at the screen. 

It’s got to be a joke, doesn’t it? James hesitates in replying, but thinks there can’t really be anything wrong with it. 

**_Hey, Iggy. It’s good. HBU?_ **

He sees, immediately, the little bubbles come up that are indicating a reply. James is curious enough, at least, to see what is going to happen.

_ It's good! Fun in the Sun! _

José sends a string of emojis that James doesn't really get, but he finds himself smiling anyways. James pulls his sunglasses down a little to type another reply. 

**_Did you go some place fun?_ **

James pushes his glasses back up and watches as the dots pop up again. Iggy must not have been having too much fun since he was bothering James. 

James isn't sure why he's entertaining it  

_ Just in Florida! Wanna come hang El Capitán? _

James chuckles. 

**_I'm in Arkansas, actually then off to California._ **

It's a few minutes before there's a line of laughing emojis. 

_ Your loss, McCannon!!! Have fun in Arkansas!!! _

***

James's off-season isn't that exciting and he pushes the weird conversation with José out of his mind. 

Which is why it comes as a surprise when he gets a picture out of the blue. 

It's a picture of José, smiling in the sun, with the water in the background and José isn't wearing a shirt. There's water droplets on his smooth chest, gleaming in the sun. 

James is startled a little and he doesn't know what to think. But he closes the picture, suddenly feeling warm and embarrassed. He feels a prickle of it on the back of his neck. 

"Whatcha looking at, hon?" Jess asks him. 

"Nothing," James says quickly. His phone vibrates again. 

_ You like ? _

And more emojis -- little hearts and a few that look like water sprays. James is confused. 

**_I guess?_ **

There's an immediate flash of bubbles. Then they stop. Then they come again and then stop. James watched for a moment. Then a message pops in finally. 

It's just an embarrassed looking emoji.

_ Sorry McCannon! Accident! _

James still feels a little embarrassed.  

**_No problem_ **

***

James keeps thinking about the picture. He doesn't mean to but he keeps pulling it up on his phone. He doesn't know why. He frowns at himself a lot and then sighs. 

**_I'm in CA, how's it in Florida?_ **

He sends this to José after a little bit of deliberation and is pleased to get a reply quickly. 

_ Hot hot hot! How about you? _

James isn't sure how to respond to that. He thinks about the picture. 

**_What's hot about it?_ **

James knows it's a stupid idea. Knows it's a dumb thing to ask. José had already said the picture was an accident. But James makes up a scenario in his head about who José was sending the picture to. 

Probably his wife. 

_ Oh you know…  _

James waits and there doesn't seem to be anything else forthcoming. But James doesn't know. 

He isn't sure if he should press either. He wants to. He wants to know if he was sending more pictures. James kind of wishes he would send him more pictures. 

**_I don't know_ ** **.**

James finally replies. Since José hadn't seemed to be doing it. 

James goes and finds some place to sit, away from everyone else. He hesitates for a moment and then rubs the back of his neck. 

**_Tell me how it's hot, José._ **

James feels his cheeks get warm. Then they get warmer as he sees José starts replying. He sees the indicator of it and he runs a hand through his hair. 

_ Maybe i got some action here.  _

**_Do you?_ **

José doesn't reply for a few minutes. When he does, it's another picture. James isn't sure anything could have prepared him for what he sees. 

And it'd be a lie to say that James hasn't thought of things like this since that first… accidental picture. 

The lighting on this one was fuzzier, yellowish light. There's blankets piled up around, pillows propping him up. But José's not wearing any clothing.  His legs are spread and he's got a hand wrapped around his cock. 

It's a lot to take in. James doesn't know where to even start. He keeps moving his gaze over the picture. Trying to decide what to focus on. 

James wants to focus on José's cock, on his big hands, on his thick muscular thighs and the way the light is forming shadows on José's neck and his chest. 

Fuck.

Fuck it's so much. 

James squeezes his eyes shut and covers his face with his elbow for a few moments. He focuses on his breathing. He has to focus on anything else. When his phone buzzes again, James almost doesn't want to look at it.

_ You gonna show me a picture Jimmy??? _

James looks at the message and feels his cheeks flare a little red. But he does his best. He's alone in his family home, but he does what he can. He takes what he thinks is a pretty decent selfie, sitting in the front window with the flowers blooming in the background and the sun shining a little. He takes a few of them, decides on the best one, and sends it onto José. 

It's a few minutes before he gets a reply back. 

It's just a line of skull emojis. There's another few minutes before he gets another message back.

_ You don't play this game fun, Jimmy. Try again. _

James frowns a little and feels his cheeks heat even more and shakes his head. 

**_I sent you a picture, José. Don't call me Jimmy._ **

James feels his heart racing and his palms sweating and part of him hopes that José accepts it-- but another, stronger, part hopes that José tries to push the issue. Even as he's thinking it, he's stepping onto the deck. 

"Hey, guys?" James calls out. Jess is playing some board game with his mom and some cousins, "I'm not feeling so great so I'm gonna go lay down for a little bit." 

He waves Jess away when she starts to get up. 

"Go an' enjoy yourself, hon, it's just a headache, I'll sleep it off." 

He almost feels bad for the lie-- but he slips back inside and up the stairs, going down a long hallway, and being grateful that they'd taken the room on the farthest side of the house from the backyard where everyone is playing. 

Even still, he takes pains to close the windows, draw the shades, and shut and lock the door. He clicks a bedside lamp on and perches on the edge of a hand carved cedar chest that abuts the foot of the bed. He checks his phone. 

_ Not a fair pic. I send you a piece of art and you send me your senior photo? _

James snickers a little.

**_You just asked for a picture_ ** _. _

He's watching the screen now, watching the dots jump in reply, almost immediately.

_ Maybe i wanna see more. Not your ugly cowboy clothes. Show me you. _

**_You've seen me._ **

James wonders why he's pushing, José could flit away, if he keeps egging him on like this. But as long as the reply bubbles keep coming up, he's not going to be too worried. So why is his heart hammering against his rib cage. 

It takes a little longer than usual for José to reply, like he's considering-- and it almost makes James nervous. 

_ Put yourself on display for me. I wanna see you spread out and naked, all your pale skin on dark sheets _

James doesn't have a choice but to look away. His throat is suddenly dry, his palms damp and feeling like his chest might burst. He should say no, but he glances at the bed-- the comforter is a dark chocolate brown, printed with tiny pale pink vines and roses-- but it'd do. James puts his phone down. 

And wonders if he's really going to do this.

But as soon as he has the thought, his hands are up at his throat, undoing the buttons on his polo. He pulls it off, unhooks the tiny silver cross and puts it in a little pile on the nightstand. He unbuckles his belt and something about the cold metal gives him pause. 

There's a crucifix above the bed and for a moment, his resolve wavers. But one thing he's not going to do is let José get one up on him, so he finishes taking off his belt and slips off his pants too. Stepping out of them, he lays down on the bed and closes his eyes a little. 

He can't believe he's about to do this. 

He shouldn't be doing this. But he spreads his legs out, poking a little at his thigh and grabs his phone. He takes a few pictures and discards them and closes his eyes. 

"You're ridiculous," He mutters to himself. Then licks his palm a little and wraps a hand around himself. It doesn't take that much-- he's still thinking about the picture José sent him and the stirring of heat it'd brought up low in his belly. He rubs his thumb over the head of his cock, feeling precome there, pulling it away a little and looking down to watch himself. 

Until he's hard, cock a little slick with his spit and precome. Then he fumbles for the phone to take the picture. He's too nervous, he's flush everywhere-- probably about the same color as the roses in the bedspread. 

He takes the picture and stares at it for a few long moments before sending it back. He's nervous; nervous enough that he throws his hands over his eyes while he waits. He doesn't know what kind of response that he's going to get, but he's waiting. He keeps his eyes shut, feels his heart thudding, and his cock is still throbbing. 

His phone buzzes a little where it's set beside him. 

It takes him a moment to grab it to look at the message. 

_ I guess that's where they get mccannon from _

And a winky-face. 

_ I'm serious, jimmy, where do you keep that thing???  _

**_Shut up_ **

James is bright red, when did it get so hot?

_ You wanna play a game? _

James frowns a little. 

**_What type of game?_ **

He feels so nervous, his foot bouncing a little. 

_ You be a good boy and give me what I want. Give me a show.  _

James feels his throat go dry, until it feels like he can't even swallow, like sand in his throat. He runs a hand through his hair again and again until it sticks up in all sorts of directions. 

**_What kind of show?_ **

_ You know what I mean, Jimmy. You already naked so maybe you take a little video. Get your big hands around yourself and show me what you like.  _

James nearly chokes on his dry mouth and he grabs a bottle of water, warm from being in the room since last night. It's not really enough to quell the feeling he's feeling right now. 

James sits down on the bed and he quietly contemplates what the fuck he is actually doing there. 

**_I'm not gonna do that_ **

_ Don't you want to make all my dreams come true? Maybe you give a nice little show. Maybe you show me what you like and I can do it for you.  _

James rubs his fingertips over his bare thigh and stares at the camera in his other hand. He swallows and pushes the camera button. He slides it over to the video. 

James feels nervous. His heart is racing beneath his skin and he can feel it thudding at his wrists and at the hollow of his throat. He can't believe he's doing this. 

James presses record on the video and cants the picture down so that he can properly take the video. He feels his body flush with incredible heat as he wraps his fingers around himself. 

He shivers, goosebumps breaking out all over his skin. He strokes himself, his hand moving up and down, his thumb pressing against the underside of his cock. He breathes in sharply and closes his eyes. 

" _ Oh _ ," James moans out. He bites down on his lower lip. He shivers again and keeps stroking himself, slow and careful. He ends the video and flushes darker. He can't send this. 

He can't. 

But he does. He watches the little progress bar as it uploads and considers cancelling it a couple different times. But he doesn't. He watches the send pop up. 

James is nervous. He wants to throw his phone into a wall and never talk to José again, until spring training and maybe not even then. But James, despite his embarrassed flush, he's still hard. He's still waiting for the flash of a notification. 

He almost throws his phone  in surprise when it buzzes with a notification. 

It takes James several agonizing moments to pull the message up. He hides his face before finally getting up the courage to read it.

It's a picture in response. Just of José with his cheeks slashed with red and his eyes dark and his mouth open. 

**_I take it you liked it..._ **

James manages to type out, despite the flutter of butterflies in his stomach and the tight feeling at the back of his throat. 

_ Si, si, mucho. Thank you for the afternoon delight, El Capitán! Have a good evening!!!  _

José sends a line of different faces -- some with puckered lips and hearts, and some peering eyes. James stares at the text, a little confused and a lot horny. 

James sighs and lays back in the bed and, well, he isn't proud of it but he looks back at the picture José sent, and then licks his palm before he starts stroking himself again. 

He imagines José with his red cheeks and his hair messed up, with his pretty mouth wrapped around his cock. When James comes, it takes him by surprise. 

He deletes the conversation, the video, but saves the picture. James feels guilty and when he drifts off for his nap, the rest is fitful and he dreams of brown eyes darkened black. 

***

 

James isn't doing a good job not thinking about José. He'd go so far as to say he was doing an impressively bad job if anyone had asked. (Thankfully, no one knew so no one did.) He's still in California, sitting on a sealed and stained wooden deck that's jutting out into the middle of a clear blue lake, a can of Bud light in one hand, half listening to his brother and his dad talk about fishing. It's not an interesting conversation, but he likes the hum of conversation and the peacefulness of the lake. 

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he squeezes the can between his knees to check on it. 

It's another picture of José and there's no way it's an accident. No way it could be and James tries to think of  _ why _ before he just  _ stares _ and then hastily shoves his phone back into his pocket and hopes that his family thinks the redness on his cheeks is just from the sun. 

He plays with the tab on his beer can and chews on his cuticles. He finishes his lukewarm beer in one gulp and reaches for another in the ice of the cooler. It's a shock but it doesn't stop the racing in his heart at all. 

James squeezes his eyes shut for a moment and smears water droplets on the surface of his phone as he pulls it out again. The picture is still there. It's not as dirty as the other ones, but somehow feels filthier. Dark blue fabric pulled taut across his shoulders. He can see José's face in profile as he's looking over his shoulder. 

He's definitely smirking. 

James takes in the stark white lettering across the shoulders, the smooth curves of the three and the straight lines of the four. He swallows roughly and tugs at the collar of his shirt. 

**_What's that supposed to mean?_ **

James feels a strange little fluttery nervous feeling in his stomach. He's not sure what the feeling is, but he's suddenly overly warm and is honestly considering throwing himself into the lake. Instead, he makes conversation with his dad, knowing he's answering but not hearing a thing. 

_ I think you know.  _

A winky face follows the message. 

**_What like i got some claim on you now?_ **

José's reply makes James's heart beat furiously.

_ Maybe yes. _

**_I have to go_ **

_ But we just started to talk, Jimmy _

"You're looking a little red, Jimbo," His brother says, "You should get inside before you get sun poisoning or something." 

James frowns. 

"I'm fine." He's already standing up though. 

"Drink some water!" His dad yells after him. 

**_You're embarrassing me_ **

James isn't sure what he's feeling. It's hot and it's heavy and it's settled somewhere in his chest and he's trying to convince himself it's anger-- that José is trying to pull a fast one on him, but he keeps scrolling up to where José said he had some kind of claim on him. 

He screenshots the message and tucks it away where it can't be accessed easily. 

_ You like it, El Capitán! A good sport. You like playing. _

**_I don't_ **

_ You like playing with me _

José sends it along with a line of faces with their tongues poked out. James finds himself smiling a little and he rubs the back of his neck. 

**_Maybe yeah_ **

_ I knew it!!! You want to be a good boy for me??? _

**_Didn't you use that line already?_ **

_ Maybe but it worked didn't it? _

_ You're insufferable… _

James pauses for a moment. 

**_What do you want me to do?_ **

There's a pause and James thinks that maybe José hasn't thought this all the way through. And for a moment, he wonders if he has the upperhand-- if for the first time, he's the one not caught off tilt in this. But he sees the indicators of the message coming up. James waits, fearing to even breathe. 

_ A video. No cop out this time, James. Show me all of it, all of you. Wanna see the face you make when you cum. Wanna hear the way your voice sounds gasping out my name.  _

James nearly drops the phone in surprise and his cheeks flare up, he can feel how hot his face is, and he can't deny that there's a stirring, his cock twitching. He reads the message again and bites down on his lower lip, feels it almost going raw between his teeth. 

James knows it's a terrible idea. He can feel it. He knows it because bad things happen to good people and he's sure bad things happen to bad people too. There's an itch under his skin he can't quite will away and he feels it prickling like he's just coming awake from numbness. 

He rubs the back of his neck. 

**_I can't do that_ **

_ You don't wanna be a good boy? _

James hesitates.

**_No, i do. I promise i do_ **

He feels the split in his lip from his teeth and he soothes it with his tongue. 

**_I'll do it. Just gimme a minute_ **

_ It only takes you a minute??? Disappointing _

José sends a line of laughing emojis and James rolls his eyes a little.

**_You know what i meant dumbass_ **

James finds a quiet room, out of the way, and he knows that everyone else is too busy to come looking for him. He feels awful, the amount of times he's slipped away on them. It's his family and James is supposed to be spending time with them and yet, he's here, doing whatever this is with José. 

This bad idea. 

He shoves the wooden chair under the door handle just in case, jamming the door shut. Then he sighs and looks at the bed in the room. It's a little full-sized guest bed, with a print of some sunflowers hanging over the headboard. Everything is so cheery, yellow and bright. James almost feels bad. 

But not  _ that _ bad.

He climbs on to the bed and stares at his phone. He's not quite sure how to do it. 

A quick search into the dresser yields a few books-- he's not even going to look at what they are but the faux leather is familiar enough that something near guilt stabs right below his ribcage-- and he makes a makeshift stand with them, propping the phone up and going to the camera. 

James sets it there and dutifully removes his clothes, the silver chain around his neck and he kneels down on the bed and presses the record button. 

"Alright, I hope you can see this good," James says to the camera and then he moves backwards from it, trying to get the angle right enough. But it's difficult and it takes a little bit of time to get the right positioning, but when he does, he slits his eyes half closed and wraps his fingers around himself. 

It's not difficult to get himself into the right mindset. Thinking about José in his shirt pretty much gets him there, some weird visceral desire to claim some kind of ownership on him, to stake some claim. When he closes his eyes, it's all he can see is the dark blue fabric and the curve of José's mouth as he smirked in the picture. 

James bites down on his lower lip again and lets out a quiet sigh. He rubs the pad of his thumb over the head of his cock and feels the wetness there and he groans a little. He knows how to touch himself, years of practice has it down to an exact kind of art, and it isn't long before he's making quiet little noises, head bowed down now, and the sweat prickling on his skin. 

James speeds up his stroke and lets out another low groan and he can feel it, the heat, the unfurl of it, and he throws his head back, swallowing roughly. This part-- this part is harder. José's name sticks in his throat and he wants to yell it out and yet, he also has to be careful. 

He makes a vaguely choked off noise -- "José", just barely through the moan, as he spills all over his fingers and onto the cheerfully colored comforter. It takes him a few seconds to steady his breathing and he wipes his hand off the rest of the way on the bedspread and ends the recording. 

James is nervous-- but he sends it anyways and gets himself re-dressed and keeps his mind off of things by fixing the chair and then re-making the bed, pulling off the old sheets and putting on new. His phone buzzes with an alert but he doesn't know if he wants to read it. 

He shuts the light off in the bedroom and pockets his phone without looking at the message. 

He and Jess leave to go upstate to visit her family and James gets caught up in the bustle of packing and getting ready to leave that he forgets about the messages for a while. The notification on his screen, the following day, just says  _ James??? _ . 

He feels guilty, he's not for sure about what part, and he deletes the conversation without reading, trying to push it from his mind. 

He feels guilty about that too, so he opens up his contacts just to message José back--

**_See ya at ST_ ** **.**

He still doesn't do a great job not thinking about José. 

***

The clock by his bedside reads just after four in the morning when an incessant buzzing from his nightstand draws him out of sleep. He thinks it's a phone call with how continuous it is, so he gropes for it blindly and leaves the room before the noise wakes Jess up too. 

There's no call to answer though, it's just a page of text messages. 

_ El Capitán _

_ I'm sorry _

_ I didn't mean to _

_ Didn't _

_ Like idon't know _

_ Whatever but _

_ I miss you _

_ Come back please??? _

James stares a little and frowns. There's still typing and the messages keep coming in.

_ I'm sorry _

_ I just said what i felt _

_ Ididn't know you'd run _

_ Ifi'd known i wouldn't _

James frowns even more.

**_It's four am are you drunk?_ **

James sees the indicator stop for a moment and then start back up.

_ Only a little _

**_You should go to sleep, José_ **

_ But i'm sorry i wanted to apologize because we were having fun and i didn't mean to ruin it _

**_Ruin what?_ **

_ Are fun! I knew it was just fun! I knew it was and i'm sorry it can go back to being just fun! :)  _

**_I don't know what you're talking about_ **

_ The fun??? The fun where you flirted with me back and i didn't scare you away that fun _

**_You didn't scare me away_ **

_???? but you stopped??? You didn't talk to me. For days. dAYS  _

**_I was busy_ **

José sends him a line of crying faces, teal blue tears looking over the top. James is fully awake now, but more confused than ever.

_ Too busy for me??? Even tho you said you said… _

There's angry faces now and James shakes his head. 

**_What did i say?_ **

_ That u had some claim ON ME  _

**_No, you said that_ **

_ You didnt disagree you agreed you said you were gonna go but you didn't leave because you liked it you liked me _

James perches on the edge of the couch. 

_ i thought  you liked it you liked me and you sent that video the you run when i comment _

**_I didn't run away_ **

_ DAYS, JAMES. DAYS DAYS WENT BY AND I HAD TO sorry caps lol but i had to message you _

**_I'm with my family._ **

_ I'm with my family too and you were with them before and you didn't go it was just because of what i said _

James frowns and regrets not reading it-- but he doesn't know if he should  _ admit _ to not reading it.

_ We were fine until i commented and i watched it i can't stop _

**_Can't stop what?_ **

James knows he shouldn't ask. Knows he shouldn't keep going on this line of conversation. He should just tell José that this is inappropriate-- that they're coworkers and they needed to stop this. That James was married. That-- that this couldn't be anything.

_ Watching watching you watching you for me _

_ You say my name _

_ Suena como el cielo _

**_I don't know what that means_ **

_ I didn't mean to say it i was dumb i was caught up it can just be fun i wanna have fun _

_ You said youliked to play with ME an d we can just do that yeah, i promise i'm sorry  _

**_It's too early for this, José. go to bed._ **

_ I'm sorry i'm sorry i leave you alone i'm sorry _

James rubs his hand over his face and thinks a million things he could say in reply, but the indicator is gone. James stays up for another twenty minutes just waiting for a message. It doesn't come in but he can't bring himself to go back to sleeping by Jess, so he lays on the couch and tries to think what the hell José might have said. 

***

He's back in Arkansas, getting ready for the season to start again when he gets a message out of the blue. 

_ I know it scared u but i look back and i meant it i mean it i do i don't know why i'm sorry _

**_José…_ **

_ I know i know ignore me, have fun!!! I won't bother you !!!!  _

**_That's not what I meant_ **

José doesn't respond again and James sighs. He isn't sure what to do about it-- so he lets life go on as normal. He starts getting ready for the season, getting back into the routines of his workouts, getting up in the batting cages and getting some practice in that way. 

It almost feels normal except this nagging feeling that James can't get rid of; that maybe José had said something important and his silence on it is sending José into this kind of mood. But he can't think about it, not too much, and before he knows it-- it's time to head back to Detroit for TigersFest and the winter caravan and all that fun fan stuff prior to heading down to Lakeland. 

It'd be a lie if he said he wasn't nervous about seeing José again. Things seem okay, José greets him like he usually does and then wanders off to talk to Miggy and J.D. and James thinks that everything is going to be just fine. 

Near the end of the first day, though, José finds him and latches onto his elbow with a death grip, fingers digging into his sensitive skin there. José looks serious, mouth pressed into a line, tense everywhere.

"You got fat," José greets, pulling him towards a door, "Come with me." 

"I did not," James protests, and lets José drag him wherever. Which honestly, was how they got into this situation in the first place. James thinks he needs to tell José that he'd deleted his message. James finds himself in a closet that smells like degreaser and fake lemon scent and the single 40 watt bulb just washes the whole utility closet in a dingy, unflattering light. 

José pokes a finger in James's chest. 

"I want you," José says, his voice is  steady, even though his dark eyes are darting around like a scared animal, "And I know it scares you and I know it's difficult but I do. I want you. I want you to kiss me." 

José's hands are on his shoulders and he should say no. But he leans in when José leans up and he kisses him and he feels fire lick through his veins and it's so bad, but so good. James kisses José for probably too long before he pushes him away. 

"I don't know what you said." James blurts out. 

José frowns a little, confused. 

"I said I want you and--"

"Not that part," James interrupts, "About the… the…" 

James lowers his voice. 

" _ The video _ ." In a conspiratorial whisper. José's confusion doesn't clear up at first, but James watches his expression slide from confusion, then understanding, and then-- anger? 

José shoves James in the chest with both palms. 

"What do you mean you don't know what I said?" José's suddenly breathing like he's just run a marathon, a harsh pant of breath. There's color slashed across his cheeks, and his brown eyes look nearly black. 

"I didn't read it." 

"You didn't-- and this whole time-- and you couldn't just tell me? And meanwhile I been in a frenzy because I -- I--" José falters suddenly and James isn't sure how to react at all, José's emotions are too rolling to keep up with. James catches José's wrists. 

"Because what?" James asks. 

José groans. 

"And this whole time I thought you'd… you'd seen and run and now i just see you were being a dick?" 

"I wasn't being one, I felt… god, I felt guilty because I'm  _ married _ , José, and so are you." 

José starts muttering under his breath in Spanish, the words too quick for James to quite make out and José hits him again, a palm against the meat of his shoulder that barely registers for James. (He's sure that was the intent.) 

"Me here acting like a fool and you didn't even see that I said I-- I…" José can't seem to say it and James gives him a confused look. 

"You what?" 

José flushes more. 

"I dunno. Don't make me say it. I dunno, like have feelings, or whatever." José is very studiously not looking at James. James's chest suddenly feels strangely tight, like someone had wrapped a band around it. 

"Is that what you said?" 

"Maybe. It's none of your business. Kiss me again." José gives him a look and James shakes his head a little. 

"We still can't do this," James says, his voice adamant-- but he's gathering José up in his arms, pulling him in close, and touching their lips together again. They kiss for what seems like forever, José's nails digging into the side of James's neck, and James has one hand full of the back of José's shirt and the other in his soft dark hair. 

"You gonna tear my shirt off," José says. James doesn't think that's a bad idea. 

Well, it's a horrible idea, but…

"Maybe I will." James says, voice soft against José's mouth.

"Maybe you should, I got a surprise for you. But later." 

"Why not now?" 

"I want you and all, but I have more class than to give it up here." 

James can't help but laugh and he gropes around the back of José to find the door and let them out. James feels like his lips are swollen and that he might as well have a sign on his forehead that explicitly states he's been making out with José. 

"Later," José promises. "We go get dinner, we have a drink, I make good on my promise." 

James tilts his head to the side-- thinks about José saying  _ having feelings _ \-- and shakes his head. 

"What promise?" 

"You play a game, Jimmy, where you're a good boy…" 

James flushes. 

"Don't call me Jimmy." 

"You showed me what you like, now I'm gonna do it for you." James is sure the color is never going to leave his cheeks. José reaches out and laces their fingers together just for a moment. 

"Okay," James says, "I'll play that game." 

José squeezes his hand and lets go and then heads towards the parking lot. James follows him outside, not even the brisk Michigan night can cool him off and he slides into José's car, nervous, but excited.

It's hard to keep still in the car, his foot bounces with nervous energy, and he fiddles with the radio, putting on some country station.  _ "The last time was the last time, until I'm all alone and I'm picking up the phone… _ " 

The radio sings out and the steel guitar picks up tempo in the background, James drums his fingers along his knee in tune with the beat. He notices José looking at him at a stoplight and he makes a face-- not quite sure what the  _ look _ José is giving him means. 

"What?" He asks.

"Nothin'," José says, "You're just cute and all." 

James wrinkles his nose. 

"Don't say that. I'm not cute." 

José laughs and James feels his cheeks go red again. He wishes that José wasn't able to so easily get under his skin, but it was impossible for him to not let his words get to him. José doesn't say anything else and they finish the ride to the hotel in silence. 

José's room is near the top floor and the sliding glass window has a view of the Detroit skyline, which looks like Christmas lights glittering in steel and stone and a field of grey and white with the snow. It's beautiful in it's own way-- in a way only people connected to the city would feel. José hands him a water and joins him at the window. 

It's warm inside but José feels the cold radiating from the glass, snowflakes falling-- big ones that flutter to the ground. Now that they're here, James almost feels nervous. He picks out details in the skyline, wonders if a certain twinkle is someone with Christmas lights still up and he sighs a little and turns to José. 

José is watching him, with a sort of wistful kind of expression, a crease between his brow, and dark eyes glittering. James heart thuds a little and he sets the bottle of water down on the stand nearby. 

"Are we gonna do this or what?" James's nerves make him sound impatient and he unconsciously twists at his wedding ring. José's hands are smaller than James's, but he wraps his fingers around them and squeezes. José looks up at James.

"We don't gotta do nothing you don't wanna I just thought…" José trails off and lets go. James slips his wedding ring off and pockets it, then reaches up to frame José's face with his hands. 

"I do want to," James tells him. He cups the back of José's neck and leans in to kiss him again and he uses the other on his hip to steady him, slowly pushing him back towards the bed. It isn't too far from it and he pushes José down gently. 

"I want you," James says again, kneeling on the side of the bed. José's sprawled out there, staring up at him, fingers clutching at the bedspread. He's got that look again that James just isn't sure of. He wants to ask. He's  _ scared _ to ask. 

He doesn't know why. 

"I want you too," José says and he sits himself up a little, to where his chest is almost pressing into James's, leaning above him. José grabs at James's biceps and squeezes, his nails dig in, and he's holding on so tight. James feels he might float away if José wasn't anchoring him right now. José leans up, leans in and brushes his lips against James's jaw line and then his throat. It makes him shiver, it makes him feel hot and cold at the same time.

It's terrifying.

It makes him feel  _ everything _ . 

James breathes in, feels his heart flutter, and José's mouth over it as it beats like crazy against the hollow of his throat. James feels like he's being pulled underwater and it feels like everything is slow motion and going too fast. José's fingers on the buttons of his shirt, on the buckle of his belt, on the zipper. 

James reaches to get José's shirt off first. Under the cream colored sweater is a familiar dark blue and James's eyes narrow a little. The old English D there and José's smirking at him a little, so James wrestles him a bit, until he's got José pinned down on his stomach. He settles on the back of his thighs and looks-- admires. There it is. 

"Surprise," José says with a delighted laugh, muffled into the sheets. James doesn't know why his breath catches like it does-- like he's never seen it before. But somehow seeing it for real is different than through a screen. He traces over the screenprint of his name, over the numbers-  _ his number _ \- on the back. 

"You're a brat," James says. His voice sounds distant to himself. 

He gets José undressed the rest of the way just as quickly, it's all a blur, until it's skin on skin and James feels all the warm, smooth skin against him and he's flushed and hot everywhere, José on top of him, studying him, fingers tracing lazy patterns over his arms and chest and over his stomach. 

José pokes him in the stomach, letting out a little laugh as he does. 

"You're big." José says and James frowns out at him a little. José kisses his frown away. 

They spend a long time just like that-- naked, with José sprawled on top of him-- touching and kissing, nothing more than that. Somewhere distantly, James thinks about how-- intimate it all is-- how it's so bad, but so good. He can't stop the sweep of his fingertips along the curve of José's spine, or the kisses he keeps pressing to his soft hair, or the way he shivers at José's breath against his skin. 

José sits up, balanced carefully over James's hips. 

"I promised you something," José says. 

"Did you?" 

José nods a little. 

"I don't go back on those," He says and he slides down and James feels the flush raising again. He feels like he should be embarrassed, already hard, red everywhere, ready for José's hands on him. Mouth on him. Everything. 

José curls one hand around James and braces on his thigh with the other. James hisses in a quick, needy breath and his hips jerk forward a little. José leans in, tongue poking out between his lips as he concentrates, eyes lidded. James feels him changing his grip a little, the speed. 

It makes him feel on edge and it makes his toes curl and god, he didn't know it'd feel like this but-- 

"I think this is right," José mutters a little. 

"Yeah, it's good," James says, "It's good, you're good… you're so good, baby" 

José looks up at him and James watches the color flood into his cheeks, the sparkle in his eyes, the way his grip tightens on his thigh. José flashes him a smile that shows all his teeth and he rubs his thumb over the head of James's cock.

It's almost too much. James hides his face, throwing his arm over it because he can't watch it. He doesn't want to look away but it's too much. He feels José, steady hand movement, and hears his little murmurs of encouragement. He feels him shifting too. 

Despite himself, despite having felt the warmth, slight dampness-- James cries out when he feels José's mouth around him. He has to-- he moves his arm so he can watch. Props himself up on his elbows and watches José, tentative-- mouth stretching around him, and the way he was taking more in. Careful. Unpracticed but--  _ fuck _ . 

James puts his hand in José's hair and knows it's going to happen too fast. 

His stomach already feels tight, he's hot everywhere, and he can feel that pull on him. José's tongue is hot, soft, wet and rubs against the underside of his cock as José hollows his cheeks and sucks, making James's toes curl and his fingers clutch at his hair. He wants to push him down and take more but it also already feels like it's way more than he can take. 

"God, oh my god, fuckin--" James tries to choke something coherent out, but it feels like just a babble. "Its-- fuck it's too much I can't." 

José looks at him and pulls off with a wet sort of sound-- his lips are swollen and bright pink, his cheeks are red, eyes a little wet, his breathing heavy. James can see the quick rise and fall of his chest, the harsh pants through his parted lips. 

"I want-- I want more," José says. "I want-- I want…" he shakes his head like he can't quite complete the thought. 

James edges forward, even though he still wants-- and he misses José's mouth on him -- but he touches José, feels the weight of his cock against his hand. He's really doing this and it's better than any dream that James has had about this. José moans and leans into him. 

And is really into it. José struggles to get closer, thrusts into James's hand, nearly climbs in his lap to grab at James's hair and kiss him until they're both probably dizzy. And then José's begging him for more, writhing on him practically. 

James feels overwhelmed, but he wants it to happen and he doesn't mind if it's too fast. James moves his hand off of José, and he's so close, he can feel the head of his cock against his stomach-- he'd barely remember José getting close enough to be in his lap. 

"I need you, I need you, James, please." José says, presses their foreheads together. "I… I feel… I just feel things and I need you." 

"Feel what?" James asks, but he's already trying to think, half distracted, displacing José and looking for his pants. José scrubs a hand over his face and crawls over to James, José counterbalances him, sitting on the backs of his calves. 

(It's like José can't be away from him.)

"Things," José says, strained a little. "You know…" He presses a kiss to James's shoulder, the back of his neck. Then he rests his forehead against the middle of James's back. 

"You know like, deep things. More than friends things. More than just fun things. Like maybe… things.  _ Feeling _ things." 

James looks over his shoulder, but José's not looking at him. 

"Like…" James starts and his heart clenches a little. José was-- god, he was just perfect. "It's okay if you can't say it, I think I know." James says. Then he sighs and drops José's jeans. 

"We don't have like… anything…" James says and waves vaguely. He moves enough to dislodge José and then moves, settles against the headboard and beckons José over. "Come here though, we'll get some-- later, I promise I need to feel you now though, god come here, baby." 

José crawls over to him and James draws him down on top of him again, has José straddle him and he licks his palm and wraps his hand around the both of them. José presses his forehead to James's again and lets out a little whimpering sound. 

"Move for me, come on," James encourages him and José shifts his hips forward, braces himself with his hands on James's shoulders again and moans softly, rubbing himself up against James. James gasps a little and shifts under José. "Yeah just like that." 

They're quiet for a little bit, except breathing and wordless kind of sounds that are just-- mingling. José's still got his forehead pressed to James's and it's sweat dampened, dark hair clinging to his skin. James puts his other hand on the small of José's back and urges him closer. 

"It's good, it's good, I wish-- I wish more but I…" José starts then stops, stuttering a little. James can feel José is leaking precome over his fingers, over James's own cock and it's making everything more slick, easier-- god, so good. 

James's eyes are closed now, but he slits them open because he wants to see José's face. He needs to. He sees José's mouth is moving, but no sound is coming out, and his lashes are wet, his eyes closed. 

"Are you okay?" James whispers and he's close, so close and José looks like an angel right now. 

" _ Sí sí. Te amo. Lo siento pero lo hago. Te amo." _ José whispers back and he looks at James then and for a moment, they're just staring at each other, the movement stilled for just a moment. But it hits James because he knows. Not  _ all of it _ , but enough of it. 

"Oh," James says and José looks away, but James touches his chin a little. "I-- I don't know but I want to. I want to learn." James says. He barely knows what he's saying. José's still looking at him. 

"I want you to teach me," James continues, soft. And it's got to be the right thing, because whatever else he means to say is swallowed by José's mouth on his again, and frantic movement. And it's so much--it's too much and he feels the full body shiver before he's spilling all over his hand and José and the bedspread. It's not that much longer when José follows, still speaking Spanish-- words that James only vaguely knows. 

They lay there together, sticky, José's weight heavy and pleasant against his chest. James reaches up to brush José's hair away from his forehead. 

"What'd you say?" James says after a moment and José presses a kiss to the corner of James's mouth. 

José rubs his fingers over James's shoulder. 

"It's a surprise," José says, "I'll tell you later." 

"You know, that's gonna stop working eventually." 

"You say that, Jimmy, but no it won't." 

James scoffs. 

"Don't call me Jimmy, and why not?" 

"Because you like me, you let me get away with it, now shush I need to get my energy back." José fusses a little and shifts until he's made James into a pillow for him. 

"Energy for what?" James asks. But he's smiling, stroking José's hair again, and down over his neck. José pokes him in the stomach again. 

"I help you work out, get you ready for training." 

"You really are a brat, it's a good thing I do like you." 

José sits up a little and taps James's lip. 

"Say you like me." 

"I just said it," James rolls his eyes and José presses his cheek to James's.

"Okay, okay,  _ te amo, _ go to sleep." James moves until he can wrap José up in his arms and covers him up the best he can, like he's trying to keep him in place. He feels José let out a contented sigh. He tucks his face against the back of José's neck and drifts off. 

He thinks that he can get used to this. 


End file.
